It's the end of the day and I'm tired. My bones are slow and heavy and my brain feels like it's waving around in space watching it's own thoughts drift by.
Being tired today is nice. Today it means that I was productive, that my body fulfilled it's purpose and my mind stretched itself into new positions. Sometimes all my exhaustion signifies is difficulty and it hangs around my neck like cheap gold medal awarded for making it through the day. Other times it's just my mind that is weary and my body follows along only because it doesn't know what else to do. On rare occasions my limbs are utterly incapable of helping my thoughts achieve their goals and my mind is forced to give in to physical exhaustion. Rarely do I experience this perfect balance of tired (that word doesn't seem right) and even more rarely do I have the time to indulge in it.
So this combination is pleasant, almost like being on a drug. Its a warm place where my daydreams take on a realistic edge, still under my control but only just. A wrong note, an errant thought and BOOM I'm back on this side of reality.
I feel like it's these times when I have the best thoughts. Things float up and only the most interesting, most vivid, most fully formed and understood thoughts make it to realization. All the daily "do laundry", "was that the door?", "oh I need to . . . " thoughts simply drift by, acknowledged and seen, but not followed. It's like meditation but better because it happens naturally, at a point when everything has conspired to create a perfect state of conscious. It's the time of deep realizations and small epiphanies that may or may not be fully remembered later, but that leave imprints and faint perfume none the less.
Today every part of me is tired, body and mind. That is my good thing.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
What's on Your Nalgene?
I remember when nalgene bottles first got popular. I was in high school and all of a sudden everyone was walking around with these indestructible, multicolored water bottles.
There were a few different ways you could rock the nalgene look. You could go sporty, with the mouth guard and some kind of team logo detailed on the side. Some kids used them to disguise various, non-water liquids that were not approved for consumption in school (or any other time you might be under 21). Once the all-star pitcher of our baseball team earned a place in sport legend by breaking one into bits against a wall after a particularly hard loss.
The coolest look though - the shining example of everything a nalgene was supposed to be - was the nicked, scratched, beat to shit bottle covered in exotic stickers. I wanted one like that. Everyone wanted one like that. That bottle had been places. That bottle had stories. That bottle belonged to someone who did those things, and that person was everything I wanted to be. Confident, traveled, fit, compelling. Enigmatic.
Today during my workout I looked at my water bottle and for the first time, I saw a nicked, scratched, beat to shit bottle that has stories. And damn, is that true! That nalgene has traveled through most of Eastern Europe with me. It has a stamp from Ukraine, a sticker from my university, the Austrian flag, a smiley face from a summer job, a hiking sticker from the Czech Republic, and stickers from most countries I've been in. It's been dunked in rivers, stayed out in the rain, used as a paperweight and served as random game pieces. It's held lots of things besides liquid and has started many a conversation.
Even though I continue to see it as the plain, green plastic water bottle from way back in the day, it's morphed into this thing hardly recognize. It's a functional document, a catalog of my life since 2004 and could be considered a book just as easily as a fashion statement.
It's nicked and scratched and beat to shit and yes, it's got some ridiculous stories attached to it. I don't know if I'm compelling and enigmatic, but I am confident, traveled and fit. I've been places, done things and damnit, I'm on my way somewhere interesting.
World, I've earned my cool factor. And I have the nalgene to prove it. That is today's good thing.
There were a few different ways you could rock the nalgene look. You could go sporty, with the mouth guard and some kind of team logo detailed on the side. Some kids used them to disguise various, non-water liquids that were not approved for consumption in school (or any other time you might be under 21). Once the all-star pitcher of our baseball team earned a place in sport legend by breaking one into bits against a wall after a particularly hard loss.
The coolest look though - the shining example of everything a nalgene was supposed to be - was the nicked, scratched, beat to shit bottle covered in exotic stickers. I wanted one like that. Everyone wanted one like that. That bottle had been places. That bottle had stories. That bottle belonged to someone who did those things, and that person was everything I wanted to be. Confident, traveled, fit, compelling. Enigmatic.
Today during my workout I looked at my water bottle and for the first time, I saw a nicked, scratched, beat to shit bottle that has stories. And damn, is that true! That nalgene has traveled through most of Eastern Europe with me. It has a stamp from Ukraine, a sticker from my university, the Austrian flag, a smiley face from a summer job, a hiking sticker from the Czech Republic, and stickers from most countries I've been in. It's been dunked in rivers, stayed out in the rain, used as a paperweight and served as random game pieces. It's held lots of things besides liquid and has started many a conversation.
Even though I continue to see it as the plain, green plastic water bottle from way back in the day, it's morphed into this thing hardly recognize. It's a functional document, a catalog of my life since 2004 and could be considered a book just as easily as a fashion statement.
It's nicked and scratched and beat to shit and yes, it's got some ridiculous stories attached to it. I don't know if I'm compelling and enigmatic, but I am confident, traveled and fit. I've been places, done things and damnit, I'm on my way somewhere interesting.
World, I've earned my cool factor. And I have the nalgene to prove it. That is today's good thing.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Cemetary Lost My Grandpa
Today was a pretty good day . . . until I came home to find out that the cemetery LOST MY FREAKING GRANDPA.
Yes, that's right, the cemetery lost my Grandfather who has been dead and buried for over 10 years.
We found out because my Grandma, whose funeral is this Saturday, was cremated and wanted her ashes buried with her husband. The cemetery said this was fine and today, apparently, went to probe his grave and found it empty. It's the kind of grave with two spaces and one headstone so naturally, they probed the other space. Nothing. So they did the one to the right. And the one to the left. Nada.
Then they went back to look at the records and discovered that the headstone had been put in after the actual burial . . . but in the wrong spot. Yes, those are the two plots we bought and paid for, but neither of them is where my Grandpa is buried.
The cemetery freaking lost my Grandpa! And, the real kicker is that we were told it's "not uncommon". What?? Excuse me? Misplacing caskets and bodies is common?! Did I hear that right? Because I'd rather I heard it wrong.
I'm not sure what we're going to do or even what the options are. I kind of think Grandma is going to end up in my mom's garden. That's probably where she would want to be anyway, down in the dirt helping all the flowers and berries and veggies grow to nourish her family.
On the positive side, this has brought up some interesting discussions and I now know that both my parents want to be cremated and sprinkled somewhere. So does my sister, so do I and with any luck that's enough to keep me from ever hearing the phrase "we lost the body" again. And that is today's good thing.
Yes, that's right, the cemetery lost my Grandfather who has been dead and buried for over 10 years.
We found out because my Grandma, whose funeral is this Saturday, was cremated and wanted her ashes buried with her husband. The cemetery said this was fine and today, apparently, went to probe his grave and found it empty. It's the kind of grave with two spaces and one headstone so naturally, they probed the other space. Nothing. So they did the one to the right. And the one to the left. Nada.
Then they went back to look at the records and discovered that the headstone had been put in after the actual burial . . . but in the wrong spot. Yes, those are the two plots we bought and paid for, but neither of them is where my Grandpa is buried.
The cemetery freaking lost my Grandpa! And, the real kicker is that we were told it's "not uncommon". What?? Excuse me? Misplacing caskets and bodies is common?! Did I hear that right? Because I'd rather I heard it wrong.
I'm not sure what we're going to do or even what the options are. I kind of think Grandma is going to end up in my mom's garden. That's probably where she would want to be anyway, down in the dirt helping all the flowers and berries and veggies grow to nourish her family.
On the positive side, this has brought up some interesting discussions and I now know that both my parents want to be cremated and sprinkled somewhere. So does my sister, so do I and with any luck that's enough to keep me from ever hearing the phrase "we lost the body" again. And that is today's good thing.
2/25
Today, I got asked on a date!
This was in equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. This is the first time I've been asked out since returning from Ukraine and truth be told, A - the guy from the RPCV dinner last week - left me a message on Sunday but I was too scared to listen to it. I'm not above letting calls go to voicemail while holding the phone in my hand, but I only do that when I really don't want to talk and this time I was honest-to-God busy. I was working, then at out with friends, then writing a last minute news story, then doing the show . . . and I didn't get home until 7pm.
I totally could have called him back but I'm a chicken so I didn't.
Instead, I called a dear friend and word vomited all my excuses and past dating baggage to her and when I finally stopped talking she said, "So . . . you're going to call him back?" and I said "Yes."
That seems like would be pretty cut and dry right? Let me tell you, it's not. Dating is like defending a thesis you didn't write; it's all reading between the lines and trying to give the right answers while concealing the fact that you have no idea what the subject is. I am not good at that. My outside may be calm and composed, but my inside is FREAKING THE HELL OUT.
To make a long story short, there was a second phone call and a lot of frenzied texting, but I did call him back and did manage to make it through the conversation okay. There were only two moments of "oh-my-god-stop-talking-now-you're-babbling" which, all things considered, is pretty good.
So I have a date on Tuesday and I'm sure you'll hear all about it later :)
This was in equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. This is the first time I've been asked out since returning from Ukraine and truth be told, A - the guy from the RPCV dinner last week - left me a message on Sunday but I was too scared to listen to it. I'm not above letting calls go to voicemail while holding the phone in my hand, but I only do that when I really don't want to talk and this time I was honest-to-God busy. I was working, then at out with friends, then writing a last minute news story, then doing the show . . . and I didn't get home until 7pm.
I totally could have called him back but I'm a chicken so I didn't.
Instead, I called a dear friend and word vomited all my excuses and past dating baggage to her and when I finally stopped talking she said, "So . . . you're going to call him back?" and I said "Yes."
That seems like would be pretty cut and dry right? Let me tell you, it's not. Dating is like defending a thesis you didn't write; it's all reading between the lines and trying to give the right answers while concealing the fact that you have no idea what the subject is. I am not good at that. My outside may be calm and composed, but my inside is FREAKING THE HELL OUT.
To make a long story short, there was a second phone call and a lot of frenzied texting, but I did call him back and did manage to make it through the conversation okay. There were only two moments of "oh-my-god-stop-talking-now-you're-babbling" which, all things considered, is pretty good.
So I have a date on Tuesday and I'm sure you'll hear all about it later :)
2/21 - 2/24
Okay, another massive recap from my last post:
Thursday, Feb. 21 - Went to dinner with a group of Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs). Not only did I get someone's number at the end (!) but it was so so SO wonderful to connect with the Peace Corps community again. There just aren't that many people on earth who understand why showering is so wonderful and yet unimportant at the same time :)
Friday, Feb. 22 - Friday S, the baby I was watching, took two long 2-hour naps and several little ones between. I got so much done! And it's always fun to cuddle with a baby, even when she is a little petri dish of drool and snot.
Saturday, Feb. 23 - Got done with work at 11am and then went home and vegged out, alll daaaay looooong. I read my book, drank tea, talked to some friends and was in bed by 9am. It was awesome.
Sunday, Feb. 24 - Super busy day, but well worth it. I've started doing Sunday brunch with two friends from college and I love this new tradition. Sometimes, when you haven't seen someone for a long time it's easy to forget why you were friends in the first place. People move away, grow apart etc . . . but then, sometimes you reconnect and BOOM - all those reasons come flying back. That's how these brunches are, heavy on laughter and light on tears. This little tradition is quickly becoming a bright spot in my week :)
And those are just a few good things from this week. There were even more I didn't mention!
Thursday, Feb. 21 - Went to dinner with a group of Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs). Not only did I get someone's number at the end (!) but it was so so SO wonderful to connect with the Peace Corps community again. There just aren't that many people on earth who understand why showering is so wonderful and yet unimportant at the same time :)
Friday, Feb. 22 - Friday S, the baby I was watching, took two long 2-hour naps and several little ones between. I got so much done! And it's always fun to cuddle with a baby, even when she is a little petri dish of drool and snot.
Saturday, Feb. 23 - Got done with work at 11am and then went home and vegged out, alll daaaay looooong. I read my book, drank tea, talked to some friends and was in bed by 9am. It was awesome.
Sunday, Feb. 24 - Super busy day, but well worth it. I've started doing Sunday brunch with two friends from college and I love this new tradition. Sometimes, when you haven't seen someone for a long time it's easy to forget why you were friends in the first place. People move away, grow apart etc . . . but then, sometimes you reconnect and BOOM - all those reasons come flying back. That's how these brunches are, heavy on laughter and light on tears. This little tradition is quickly becoming a bright spot in my week :)
And those are just a few good things from this week. There were even more I didn't mention!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
So I Skipped a Few . . .
. . . but this week has been so crazy that I'm not going to do a post post for each one. There will be a list instead and the list will look like this:
Sunday: I got an excellent library book that I read by the fire while cuddling with my kitty cat. I love books, I love being warm and I love Gray Kitty which made for an excellent afternoon. There will be about that book because it really is excellent.
Monday: I spent the day with a little cutie named Susannah. Susannah is 9 months old and sweet as pie despite a snotty nose and some incoming teeth. Getting paid to cuddle with a baby all day is second only to getting paid to play in a giant mud pit. (Yes, I did seriously earn money doing that and yes, it was awesome.)
Tuesday: I came home from a 17 hour day that ended with crappy road conditions and a long drive to the savory smell of MEATLOAF! And a clean kitchen! At our house, I am the cook and the primary care taker of the kitchen and while technically it all belongs to my mom, I'm the one who knows where everything is. I love meatloaf. It is the ultimate comfort food that I never make and refuse to eat in restaurants. I love my meatloaf and I love my mom.
Today: Today, today, today - I received an email from my cousin introducing me to Laura Starcheski, the radio reporter who did this awesome, flag ship episode on Radiolab (http://www.radiolab.org/2007/sep/10/goat-on-a-cow/). There are birds sitting on goats standing on cows, mysterious letters strewn across a stretch of highway and great storytelling. That all makes Radiolab possibly my most favorite thing ever. Hopefully actually speaking with Laura about radio and Radiolab with be awesome enough to make it on here again. I rather think it will.
Wanna know what else is amazing? It's 8:49pm, which means that there are only 11 minutes until I'm done with work. Wanna know what happens when I'm done with work? I go home to my cat, my book and my meatloaf <3
Sunday: I got an excellent library book that I read by the fire while cuddling with my kitty cat. I love books, I love being warm and I love Gray Kitty which made for an excellent afternoon. There will be about that book because it really is excellent.
Monday: I spent the day with a little cutie named Susannah. Susannah is 9 months old and sweet as pie despite a snotty nose and some incoming teeth. Getting paid to cuddle with a baby all day is second only to getting paid to play in a giant mud pit. (Yes, I did seriously earn money doing that and yes, it was awesome.)
Tuesday: I came home from a 17 hour day that ended with crappy road conditions and a long drive to the savory smell of MEATLOAF! And a clean kitchen! At our house, I am the cook and the primary care taker of the kitchen and while technically it all belongs to my mom, I'm the one who knows where everything is. I love meatloaf. It is the ultimate comfort food that I never make and refuse to eat in restaurants. I love my meatloaf and I love my mom.
Today: Today, today, today - I received an email from my cousin introducing me to Laura Starcheski, the radio reporter who did this awesome, flag ship episode on Radiolab (http://www.radiolab.org/2007/sep/10/goat-on-a-cow/). There are birds sitting on goats standing on cows, mysterious letters strewn across a stretch of highway and great storytelling. That all makes Radiolab possibly my most favorite thing ever. Hopefully actually speaking with Laura about radio and Radiolab with be awesome enough to make it on here again. I rather think it will.
Wanna know what else is amazing? It's 8:49pm, which means that there are only 11 minutes until I'm done with work. Wanna know what happens when I'm done with work? I go home to my cat, my book and my meatloaf <3
Saturday, February 16, 2013
QuickFix
Today's good thing is that I work at a place that helps people directly and immediately.
We had three people come into the clinic today and even though I'm a receptionist, not a chiropractor, I am part of making these people feel better. I'm not a details person and I don't love paper work, but I do love that something so mundane in my life can make such a large, positive difference in someone else's life.
That's what gets me out of bed at 6am on Saturday and Sunday.
We had three people come into the clinic today and even though I'm a receptionist, not a chiropractor, I am part of making these people feel better. I'm not a details person and I don't love paper work, but I do love that something so mundane in my life can make such a large, positive difference in someone else's life.
That's what gets me out of bed at 6am on Saturday and Sunday.
Feb. 15, 2013
For those of you not totally in the know here's a fun fact: I'm looking for a job.
Yes, I'm one of those well educated, well traveled, critical thinkers who has become statistic in this economy. Whoever said serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer would do wonders for your career obviously didn't take this job market into consideration. Most Returned Volunteers (RPCVs) I know are in the same boat as I am. Actually, my boat might have a little more floating capacity because I have a pretty good part-time job.
Thanks to a random conversation and an even more random question, I've been able to pinpoint the common thread in the many jobs I've had and those I'm looking at. My work history covers a wide, wide range of areas including nursing, special needs programming, education, nature education, waitressing, activism . . . and that's just the professional side. There are a lot more things I've done that I wasn't paid for.
This might sound like great experience and in a lot of ways it is, but that much variation can also be a drawback. People with such eclectic backgrounds are often tagged as flaky or are overlooked because they don't have enough experience in one field. I've been trying to find that one, unifying trait that ties everything together since August. In the end it isn't all that exciting unless you're me trying to find a job, but this is my blog so I'm going to tell you anyway :)
Nursing, science, education, nature, journalism, social change . . . these are all things I get deeply excited about. Like nerd-out, what's-wrong-with-this-girl excited. I live for that moment when other people realize that what seemed impossible is, in fact, possible. It's something I try to cultivate in my own life as well. All the jobs I've had have facilitated that experience (maybe not dish washing so much) and that's why I have such a hard time answering the question "so what do you want to go into?" How do you say that in one sentence?
I want to go into excitement! I want to go into people realizing how many possibilities actually exist! I want to go into opening the door to the world!
I know that sounds naively idealistic obnoxious and believe me, I have no illusions about what the world is like. I spent the last 3 years in a rural village in the former Soviet Union. Any illusions I had were dying before I got there and those that survived were quickly extinguished.
Never the less, in my most quiet heart of hearts, that is my truth. I really believe it. What we know is so small compared to what we don't know that it's laughable. 100 years ago, in 1913, people would have literally thought you were crazy if you suggested that we could send information through the air on a "computer network". Back then it was impossible and look where we are today. So maybe the things we think are ridiculous - breathing under water, magic mind powers, superhuman powers - are all just different shades of possible.
Anyway, the point of all that is . . . I applied to three jobs today that I got really exited about. And even if I don't get an interview, I'm super excited that these organizations exist. That's my good thing today.
Yes, I'm one of those well educated, well traveled, critical thinkers who has become statistic in this economy. Whoever said serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer would do wonders for your career obviously didn't take this job market into consideration. Most Returned Volunteers (RPCVs) I know are in the same boat as I am. Actually, my boat might have a little more floating capacity because I have a pretty good part-time job.
Thanks to a random conversation and an even more random question, I've been able to pinpoint the common thread in the many jobs I've had and those I'm looking at. My work history covers a wide, wide range of areas including nursing, special needs programming, education, nature education, waitressing, activism . . . and that's just the professional side. There are a lot more things I've done that I wasn't paid for.
This might sound like great experience and in a lot of ways it is, but that much variation can also be a drawback. People with such eclectic backgrounds are often tagged as flaky or are overlooked because they don't have enough experience in one field. I've been trying to find that one, unifying trait that ties everything together since August. In the end it isn't all that exciting unless you're me trying to find a job, but this is my blog so I'm going to tell you anyway :)
Nursing, science, education, nature, journalism, social change . . . these are all things I get deeply excited about. Like nerd-out, what's-wrong-with-this-girl excited. I live for that moment when other people realize that what seemed impossible is, in fact, possible. It's something I try to cultivate in my own life as well. All the jobs I've had have facilitated that experience (maybe not dish washing so much) and that's why I have such a hard time answering the question "so what do you want to go into?" How do you say that in one sentence?
I want to go into excitement! I want to go into people realizing how many possibilities actually exist! I want to go into opening the door to the world!
I know that sounds naively idealistic obnoxious and believe me, I have no illusions about what the world is like. I spent the last 3 years in a rural village in the former Soviet Union. Any illusions I had were dying before I got there and those that survived were quickly extinguished.
Never the less, in my most quiet heart of hearts, that is my truth. I really believe it. What we know is so small compared to what we don't know that it's laughable. 100 years ago, in 1913, people would have literally thought you were crazy if you suggested that we could send information through the air on a "computer network". Back then it was impossible and look where we are today. So maybe the things we think are ridiculous - breathing under water, magic mind powers, superhuman powers - are all just different shades of possible.
Anyway, the point of all that is . . . I applied to three jobs today that I got really exited about. And even if I don't get an interview, I'm super excited that these organizations exist. That's my good thing today.
Feb. 14, 2013
Today I got to talk to my good friends Ihor and Pasha from Ukraine!
I'm one of those people who hates talking on the phone and will absolutely, 100% avoid calling or skyping with someone even if I really do care about them. I'm not sure why this is because I'm usually really happy after the fact - and not just because it's over (I know what you were thinking.) It's a mystery that has plagued me ever since I started thinking about it. I mean, what's so scary about calling people? No idea, but I hate doing it. And yet I'm always so happy afterwards :)
Good thing for today - connecting with my a few members of my Ukrainian family. Я вас дуже, ДУЖЕ люблю - всім серцем!
I'm one of those people who hates talking on the phone and will absolutely, 100% avoid calling or skyping with someone even if I really do care about them. I'm not sure why this is because I'm usually really happy after the fact - and not just because it's over (I know what you were thinking.) It's a mystery that has plagued me ever since I started thinking about it. I mean, what's so scary about calling people? No idea, but I hate doing it. And yet I'm always so happy afterwards :)
Good thing for today - connecting with my a few members of my Ukrainian family. Я вас дуже, ДУЖЕ люблю - всім серцем!
Feb. 12, 2013
My grandma was true farm woman and never, ever wasted anything. That included her cooking "flops", as she called them. I remember walking into her house throughout my childhood and seeing the counters covered with her favorite orange cookies. They were a rich yellow color, round and flat with crispy edges that I liked to bit off, and - according to Grandma - they were always flops. The orange cookies she remembered from her childhood were little hills of fluffy citrus-flavored pastry, not the flat and spread out.
I don't think she ever got her recipe just right, but I didn't care. I loved her flops just the same and told her so.
My mom did that for me tonight. I've been craving red velvet cupcakes for some reason and finally decided to bake them today. I found a great recipe online with awesome reviews, I followed the recipe exactly and mixed up some delicous cream cheese frosting (because who doesn't love that?) and then . . . my cupcakes were disgusting. I'm not sure why, but they came out flat and oily. A huge flop.
I'm not one to waste food, but even I had doubts about eating these. I'd gotten as far as putting them all in a plastic bag to throw out right as my mom came home from work. By this point I was pretty dissipated. The weather was bad, my cupcakes were bad and the day was gone with nothing to show for it. It was all a big, bad bummer. And then . . .
My mom ate one and said she liked it. 0.o
Maybe she was fibbing, maybe she was telling the truth but honestly, it doesn't really matter. She liked (or at least ate one of) my flat, oily, not very red velvety cupcakes. And then she gave me a hug. That's my good thing for today.
I don't think she ever got her recipe just right, but I didn't care. I loved her flops just the same and told her so.
My mom did that for me tonight. I've been craving red velvet cupcakes for some reason and finally decided to bake them today. I found a great recipe online with awesome reviews, I followed the recipe exactly and mixed up some delicous cream cheese frosting (because who doesn't love that?) and then . . . my cupcakes were disgusting. I'm not sure why, but they came out flat and oily. A huge flop.
I'm not one to waste food, but even I had doubts about eating these. I'd gotten as far as putting them all in a plastic bag to throw out right as my mom came home from work. By this point I was pretty dissipated. The weather was bad, my cupcakes were bad and the day was gone with nothing to show for it. It was all a big, bad bummer. And then . . .
My mom ate one and said she liked it. 0.o
Maybe she was fibbing, maybe she was telling the truth but honestly, it doesn't really matter. She liked (or at least ate one of) my flat, oily, not very red velvety cupcakes. And then she gave me a hug. That's my good thing for today.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Today's good thing: I didn't have to drive to work in the dark. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't that great a driver (a little on the "oops, sorry" side of things) to begin with and then 3 years of not driving at all really didn't help.
In January I started working evenings in a town 30-45 minutes away and my first few commutes were awful. Headlights punched past at a truly alarming rate and I remember squinting at the white shoulder line, wondering if I would be really lame enough to kill myself a car crash. Ironically, I then calmed myself down by thinking about all the better ways I could die. Eaten by a lion. Heart attack. Sky diving. Stingray spike . . . I had a lot of time. I did make it one piece, but absolutely dreaded driving in rush hour traffic.
Now at 5pm it's still light out and today when I pulled into my parking spot, it wasn't even full dark yet! Not only did I not have hand cramps or an unladylike "glow", but I was singing along to one of my favorite songs.
Not bad Monday, not bad.
In January I started working evenings in a town 30-45 minutes away and my first few commutes were awful. Headlights punched past at a truly alarming rate and I remember squinting at the white shoulder line, wondering if I would be really lame enough to kill myself a car crash. Ironically, I then calmed myself down by thinking about all the better ways I could die. Eaten by a lion. Heart attack. Sky diving. Stingray spike . . . I had a lot of time. I did make it one piece, but absolutely dreaded driving in rush hour traffic.
Now at 5pm it's still light out and today when I pulled into my parking spot, it wasn't even full dark yet! Not only did I not have hand cramps or an unladylike "glow", but I was singing along to one of my favorite songs.
Not bad Monday, not bad.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
If I need to get out of bed at 6:30am, I set my alarm clock for 6:00 and hit it until the absolute last minute possible. Yes, I'm one of those people. The habit began in college and now, long after my last class ended, I still spend the first 30 minutes of everyday hitting the sleep button.
When I tell people this the most common response is, "why on earth would you do that?"
Usually I quip something about my inability to get up on time or my extreme slowness in the morning and while these are both a little too true, they're not exactly the real reason either. In reality I just really, really love my being in my bed.
I love that floaty, half-sleep stage where you are just awake enough to appreciate the coolness of your pillow and the warmth of your feet all the way down at the end. I live for the moment when you can't imagine being in a better position . . . and then you roll over and get more comfortable. You haven't even gotten out of bed yet and the impossible has been achieved!
Those 30 minutes are like a buffer against the rest of the world. For that little span of time, my bed is a safe haven of comfort and security, where stress has no place and dreams are the norm, not the exception. Those little gray moments ease my mind into the world and prepare me for my day.
This morning (after hitting my alarm clock for an unacceptable 40 minutes) I slid off the road and got stuck in a snowbank. I didn't make it into work and I had to pay the tow truck guy to pull me out, but you know what? That wasn't the beginning to my day. My day started in bed with warm blankets, cool pillows and variations on comfortable.
That is today's good thing.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Grandma Hugs
Whenever I have a particularly crappy day, I buy a random person coffee. I like to do this because, selfishly, it makes me feel better. I like knowing that even though my day is shitty, I'm putting something good out into the world and balancing the nasty in my life.
I've been buying a lot of coffees lately.
You see, my Grandma died on Tuesday. It's hard to explain what that means and really, unless we're friends, the only reason you should care is because of this blog. A very rare and precious part of my life has been lost and even though her light is gone, it is reflected in me and everyone she touched throughout her life. I am her mirror and mirrors are reflective. They can transfer images and light, they can start fires and light up rooms, they confront you with your own face and make you look at others. They they can show you a whole new perspective from the exact same spot.
I am my Grandmother's mirror and this blog is my reflection.
I have a great life, even when it's shitty. Through her endless kindness and deep faith, Grandma showed me that at least one good thing happens everyday. At least one. Maybe it's something big, but maybe it's just that the kid at the check out counter was really chatty. Maybe your favorite song was playing when you turned on the radio. Maybe it's just the fact that the day is over and tomorrow is a new one.
So that's what this blog is about. It's a place where at least one good thing will happen each day and get reflected to you and anyone you share it with.
My Grandma died on Tuesday and I bought someone a coffee. That is my good thing.
I've been buying a lot of coffees lately.
You see, my Grandma died on Tuesday. It's hard to explain what that means and really, unless we're friends, the only reason you should care is because of this blog. A very rare and precious part of my life has been lost and even though her light is gone, it is reflected in me and everyone she touched throughout her life. I am her mirror and mirrors are reflective. They can transfer images and light, they can start fires and light up rooms, they confront you with your own face and make you look at others. They they can show you a whole new perspective from the exact same spot.
I am my Grandmother's mirror and this blog is my reflection.
I have a great life, even when it's shitty. Through her endless kindness and deep faith, Grandma showed me that at least one good thing happens everyday. At least one. Maybe it's something big, but maybe it's just that the kid at the check out counter was really chatty. Maybe your favorite song was playing when you turned on the radio. Maybe it's just the fact that the day is over and tomorrow is a new one.
So that's what this blog is about. It's a place where at least one good thing will happen each day and get reflected to you and anyone you share it with.
My Grandma died on Tuesday and I bought someone a coffee. That is my good thing.
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